


The Sun will Always Rise Over a New Day

by WordsFromTheOtherSide



Series: Nico di Angelo One-Shots [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Author Projecting onto Nico di Angelo, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Introspection, Non-binary Nico di Angelo, Nonbinary Author writing Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Character, Not Beta Read, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29078073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsFromTheOtherSide/pseuds/WordsFromTheOtherSide
Summary: Nico isn't feeling well, and Will helps them feel better.ORIn which the author has no other outlet of their emotions
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Series: Nico di Angelo One-Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050980
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	The Sun will Always Rise Over a New Day

It wasn’t unusual that they felt like this. But the hypersensitivity to _every single part of their body -_ It was almost too much for them to bear. They felt their body, even beneath their binder and their clothes and their blankets and in the end, Nico felt everything _wrong_. They were built _wrong_. Sometimes they barely felt human. Barely felt alive. Nico, being a child of the Underworld; a child of Hades, knew their own mortality better than others. Sometimes they were just overthinking. Sometimes they were sent into full on panic attacks from the sheer thought of, _“I will die. There is no escaping death. When I die I will still be conscious. I will forget everything. I will forget the feeling of the sun, and I will forget my loved one’s faces. I will die and there is no escape.”_

Sometimes, they felt okay. Sometimes they could go outside with Will, wearing jeans and a t-shirt like a normal person. But those times were few and far between. They never went without a jacket. They never went without their sword. They always kept themself closed in. They always wanted that sense of-

They didn’t know what it was really. Maybe it was the sense of security? Of safety? The knowledge that they weren’t going to get hurt? Nico didn’t remember the last time they truly felt safe and, well, like they were right. When they were younger, they always knew that they weren’t a girl. They couldn’t pin a date to an event that triggered the realization, it was always there. That sense of _“this doesn’t_ _seem right,”_ had settled on their shoulders, like the weight of the world upon Atlas’. Then, they cut their hair and started going by their name, Nico, forgetting their given one and moving on as a boy. It worked for a while, but it didn’t last. Nico wasn’t a girl. They weren’t a a boy either. When they started dating Will - when they still thought that they were a boy -they brought it up to the son of Apollo, and he started explaining different genders; and the one that felt the most _right_ was Non-Binary - They weren’t a boy or a girl. They were Nico. That felt safe. That felt right. Something in their chest just clicked and it was all okay.

And then some days it wasn’t. Like today, they couldn’t bear to even uncover themself. They just curled deeper into their bed, feeling their body. Knowing that it was all wrong. Their breasts - such an ugly word, _breasts -_ were pressed together, free of their binder, because Will insisted that it was better for their ribs. And Nico could fee them. Rolling in any direction made them shift against their chest in such an uncomfortable way, tears sprung to their eyes and the kept them closed as they curled back into a fetal position.

They skipped breakfast that day.

Then lunch.

Then dinner.

Nico stayed in bed, sleeping on and off. Crying on and off. It was not a good day. They felt like their skin was too cold, too tight. Almost like they were decomposing and their skin was drying against their bone, dying before Nico was even dead. Their toes were cold, as were their fingertips. Like ice, like the coldest winters. Nico often found themself cold, their heart aching for something, though more often than not, they found that they did not know what they were longing for. Maybe the release of death? Maybe the feeling of someone else’s skin against their own? Maybe they just wanted to know what it felt like to not be alone.

Will came to the Hades cabin, a soft knock on the door. He came in, not bothering to ask Nico’s permission. They would’ve let him in either way.

“Are you doing okay?” He asked, his weight causing the bed to dip and Nico said nothing, only shook their head. “Wanna talk about it?”

They shook their head again. They didn’t want to talk. Their voice was too high. Too girlish.

“Is your voice bothering you again?”

It was like Will was reading their mind, he always seemed to know. So, Nico nodded their head.

“Is it dysphoria?” Will’s deep voice was soft, hesitant, as if he knew that his partner may be too sensitive to talk about their feelings.

So, they nodded again, rolling over again, hyper aware of their breasts moving beneath their shirt and hoodie - Will’s hoodie, if they allowed themself to be honest. They made a face, and Will saw that sneer.

“Do you need anything?” He asked his hand carefully moved forward, brushing their hair back from their face. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to, or I can go if you want,”

Involuntarily, a whine ripped itself from their throat, and they grabbed Will’s arm, desperate to keep him close. They stared, wide eyed, their mouth working but not finding the ability to make words form.

“Your hands are so cold!” Will’s mouth fell open in shock. “Do you want me to get under there and cuddle?” Nico nodded, carefully releasing Will’s arm to allow their boyfriend to nestle in next to them. Nico settled their head against his warm chest. “That’s my Nico, so cuddly, aren’t they?” Will chuckled and Nico enjoyed the sound and the feeling.

Will’s arms wrapped around them and held them close, whispering sweet words and lullabies into their hair until they were smiling and melting from the simple attention.

Some days, Nico felt terrible, felt that they were more dead than alive, but the moment Will came around, it was like watching the sun rise over a new day. It was always beautiful and full of hope and love.

**Author's Note:**

> I am non-binary and this is how I feel sometimes, dysphoria and depression can mess with my head a lot and it can make me feel terrible and guilty. I wasn't feeling all to hot, so I wrote this and I started to feel better. The sense of dysphoria fluctuates for me where some days I feel like a normal human being while others I have to force myself to get out of bed because I can just feel everything and it makes me sick. 
> 
> I just wanted to put this here in case someone wanted to go and try to say something like "oh that's not what dysphoria feels like its" etc etc. This is what MY dysphoria feels like. It's not the same for everyone.


End file.
